after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
