How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
