coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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