before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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