so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
