So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
