Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
