We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
