Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
