Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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