Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
