I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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