Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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