you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
