I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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