Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
