I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
