So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
