My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
