my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
