god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize