I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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