You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
