20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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