when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize