He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
