All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
