Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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