She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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