We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
