Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
