I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
