you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
