States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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