as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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