I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's blow job season.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
