the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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