i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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