she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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