he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
