Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
