My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
