sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
