I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
