obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
