woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
