I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
