I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
