i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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