You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
