I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
