u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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