garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
