Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
