i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
