i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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