One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
