i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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