ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
