Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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