Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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