this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
