So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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