I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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