so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
