Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
