I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
