I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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