im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
