Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
