Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
