You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
