Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
