FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize