Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
