I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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